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  • Free Wheelin’ Wednesday – O’ Wasted Green

    March 17, 2021
    Literary Journey

    The wearin’ o’ the green

    The drinkin’ o’ the green

    The leprechaun says all is not as it seems.

    Poor ol’ Patrick

    Shifting in his long dead grave

    Thinkin’ o’ sacrifice

    Begora, I gave it all

    To make the world a better place –

    Gone down in history

    Eventually to become

    A green beer.

    A green cabbage.

    And red meat.

    An illusion.

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  • Monday is Made for Memories: Life is Moving Ahead

    March 15, 2021
    Literary Journey

    The girl who loved too much, didn’t love at all. She couldn’t say the things that were in her heart.

    The fear that lies in exposure trumps the joys that come from revelation.

    Sharing the joys of the soul with another beating heart can make the sun brighter, the birdsong sweeter, and the fresh air freer. Oh, that I could set the captive free from her shackles, self-cackled and keyless; clueless in the way to invite another in.

    Oh, in usual American fashion, the pleasantries and successes of wisdom easily pass my lips. Therein, engaging on the superficialities of existence and the extremities of achievement is the wonder of closeness with which we draw near. Search further, and you will find the heart of my dreams. Dreams, not secrets, are, too, all too friendly and willing to engage in repartee of existence and substance. The dream searches feasibility in an unsure, complicated future. Perhaps lying in hopes of a traveling companion; one in which two dreams can bond to an extraordinary feat or tale to feel.

    Yes, dreams are an open platform with which riders can hop on and off with no delay or derailment. The train going further down into the subway of consciousness has a few more stops, but never reaches the end of the line, and as yet had a visit from neither passenger nor train master. This is the stop that determines who I am; who I dream to be.

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  • Monday’s Memoir – In the Back of the Closet

    March 8, 2021
    Literary Journey

    Looking back, I find that there isn’t one moment where my decision hinged. Like usual, it was a series of decisions that have brought me where I am today. Today, I think of yesterday, or the ghost of many yesterdays, that have been tucked away in the closet of my mind.

    “Hi, Dad! Karen and I are going out.”

    “Ok, just clean your room first.”

    The dreaded phrase. Just once I had hoped he would forget it. Just once.

    The problem isn’t so much that I had to do it; the problem was that I had to do it and be in before the midwestern October sun went down. I had to be in at dark and the gap between 3:30 daylight and 5:00 dark left me with precious time to keep. Each moment spent cleaning was a minute more that saw the horizon line ascending.

    “Ok dad…”

    Now, mind you, my room wasn’t very big, but a twelve-year-old girl has lots of stuff, and I was a girl with many interests – one of them was NOT putting things back where they belonged.

    I had lots and lots of clothes that took many changes to be gotten right in the morning before school. There were clothes and games, and record albums, makeup, stuffed animals, and Barbies, baby dolls and hair bobbles everywhere – everyday.

    These in-between years saw stuffs increase as I couldn’t let go of childhood things and was sticking my toes into teen concerns.

    It was an exciting time, but with so many interests, and so little room, there was also (as mentioned) so little organization. Yep, I had a messy youth. So, each day, my dad’s chant would ring in my ear.

    You think I’d learn.

    Well, I had learned. I learned that all I had to do was get the stuff out of sight because my dad didn’t really check, he just glanced in – and he probably didn’t know really how unkempt it was to begin with. So, shoving shorts and shirts, shoes and skirts, teddy bears and Tetris, baby dolls and barbie dolls, (sometimes even an errant pillow), nothing was sacred – all went unceremoniously in the closet.

    Oh, the closet was my friend.

    That gaping mouth, waiting for its daily feed; progressively filling up. You might have heard a burp if the poor closet hadn’t kept getting more fed into it and its digestive capabilities never consumed. Things went in, and sat.

    This daily ritual was joined by a quarterly ritual – the clean out. As the season changed, my need for things changed and I would have to take all the stuff out and organize it. I didn’t mind this ritual. It was like going on a free thrift store hunt. Oh, look at this, I forgot I had that! So, it would be brought back to life, until another feeding session.

    As I got older, the back of closet started collecting things outgrown, and the daily feeding diminished. Maturity paid the cost for knowing where to find things, but the back of the closet collected those items where sentiment stole its disposability, so they became closet residents. There they remained. Even after I left home and moved out, they stayed in the dusty spaces of the closet and my mind.

    I suppose I thought the closet would never change. It would always be there waiting, with my childhood friends patiently standing (or sitting) in repose, ready for another season to be brought out into the light.

    But just as I carelessly shoved them deep into the closet’s bowels, those unattached to my dusty memories carelessly shoved them in the trash bin.

    Lost to me, but residing in my mind, regretting one little decision that cannot be redone.

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  • Fact or Fiction Friday – What Was She Thinkin’?

    February 12, 2021
    Literary Journey

    I tried to run, but he called after me. My mother tried to stop him, but he was unstoppable. He caught me, and I… crumbled.

    Now it’s all over. If we get married, the bad luck will never cease. Our children will be dumber than the Dicken’s (oh wait, he was smart). Well, they will have troubles that follow them wherever they go. We are cursed! Oh god Billy, how could you do this to us?

    And what did he want?

    He wanted to make sure that I was happy! Of all things!

    What did he think? What made him think anything else!!

    Everything was good until he showed his blasted, handsome face in my kitchen window.

    See, looking in the rearview mirror, my eyes are going to be all swollen. Oh, it’s ruined!

    As she touches her eyes, assessing the puff, she is unaware that fifteen feet ahead is the end of the road, and her bloated body will be found days later in the swampy waters after she braked hard and flew through the windshield, into a pool of water six inches deep. No, the windshield did not kill her, her face laying in the shallow water is what killed her, but what did her in was her belief in superstition.

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  • Lyrical Thoughts Thursday – Lost in the Hindenburg

    February 11, 2021
    Literary Journey
    Hindenburg Tragedy 1937

           Thoughts of Burtis Dolan: A passenger on the fated Hindenburg.

    Me and Morris

                    Starboard Lounge;

                                    Smoking, laughing, debating.

    Enjoying the

                    Once-in-a-lifetime

                                    Journey across the sky.

    Anxious for home,          

                    Ropes unfurled,

                                    New York, Chicago, Kenesaw Trail.

    Ship half full,

                    Bad weather’s ride;

                                    Late, too far behind.

    Whoosh – what was that?

                    The force of the wind.

                                    Nah, nothing to fear.

    Kapow – what was that?

                    The sound of a gun?

                                    Nah, can’t be that.

    Wait – we’re going down.

                    Oh, my love, Mildred

                                    Forgive my betrayal.

    My darling Mildred

                    Your gift in my hand.

                                    Your rosary, your prayer, my shame.

    Morris yells,

                    Jump! And he descends.

                                    The dark, the wet, the unknown.

    I follow,

                    Into the burning abyss.

                                    The flame, the smoke, the morass.

    I stumble,

                    Oh Morris, come help me.

                                    It’s all your fault.

    This chance-of-a-lifetime

                    You promised.

                                    The flames, the pain, the smell

    Of molten metal,

                    Burning flesh

                                    Recede, to no more.

    And I’m home,

                    Kennesaw Trail.

                                    The rosary in her hand.

    Black veil,

                    Tears in her eyes

                                    The flag, the salute, the descent.

    I’m one of the faceless,

                    But I had a face.

    A name on a manifest.

                    Of a tragic day.

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  • Monday’s Memories – He Treats Me like a Slave

    February 8, 2021
    Literary Journey

                    “Hi Morrie,” I say for the third time that day, like I’ve said (what feels like) a million times before, and a gazillion more to be uttered in the future. Morrie is behind the small counter that divides the work area from the guest area. He is surrounded by cigarettes, can openers, paper products, myriads of cans and jars of ingredients, and is shielded by the imposing NCR and rows of penny candies: Mary Janes, Bazooka, Bit o Honeys, Dots, Snickers, Mallow Bars, Snickers, and the list goes on, but my favorite was Sixlets. I loved to pop one tiny little orb in my mouth at a time – all greens, all browns, save the reds for last. Morrie was the provider of all things necessary to all the people in the neighborhood. The tightly packed, floor to ceiling, aisles contained everything from soup to bolts that one might need in a pinch. Morrie carried it all.

                    This was the days before everyone shopped at big grocery chains for their daily staples. Before 7-11s and White Hens took over in-and-out purchases, most people went to the supermarket once a week, and anything needed in between came for Morrie’s, or some other of the ilk.

                   
                    Where I lived, in lower-middle class Chicago, we had three such establishments, but Morrie’s was the one we most frequented – and I mean I frequented frequently. Morrie’s corner store was the bane of my little existence, as I was on the end of my father’s command, “Go get me a pop.” Pop for those of you who don’t know, is soda, as in soda pop. Midwesterners call it pop, but I picked up the Southern speak of “sodie” when I was on vacation in Missouri, but now I call it soda. Anyway, my father drank oceans of saccharin laden Tab. For some reason, these could only be bought one at a time, and seemed to taste better when I was the one to fetch them, so I saw Morrie more than I cared to. I was the Tab beast of burden. Perhaps it was my dad’s way of keeping tabs on me.

                    Corner stores were wonderful. They were usually family-owned with the family living and working all in their compacted wonderland of appurtenances of life. Morrie and his family lived upstairs from the store, where he, I imagine, walked bleery eyed down the steps at 5:00 am to open, and crawled sleepy eyed back up at the 9:00 pm hour. He never left the place. The two other stores nearby were far less impressive, and far more modern, in that they were not manned by one such as Morrie, and they had several family members with which to share the day, and one of them even had employees! Morrie was like family to everyone. He sort of looked like the “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin guy,” and if you don’t know who that is – google it.

                    Another frequent request of Master Dad was to change the channel on the television. Man, I hated that! “Laura, turn on channel 5,” or “Why’s it so loud? Turn the tv down, Laura.” Remote controls did not exist in my household so I was the remote control, and, I tell ya, he certainly knew how to push my buttons. In this world of multiple remotes that man everything one owns, I wonder what kids are doing with their dads nowadays.

                    My dad wasn’t lazy. No, he just felt like it was easier for me to do than it was for him – and admittedly, it was, wasn’t it.

                    Never once did I ask my son to turn down the tv or run to the store, although he probably would have done it as I did – without comment (well maybe a little one escaped).

                    As I am studying slavery, I started thinking about that time of my life. I felt like he was treating me like a slave.

                    It’s funny how our perspective is when we are young. We know little of the big world around us, and images on a screen, or seeing in books are not knowing the world.

                    In school, we learned that slavery was banned by Abraham Lincoln in 1863, January 1s to be precise, but in 1970s America, we were removed from the slavery known in the past by many generations. Slavery, where people had zero rights, and zero personal ownership, who had their dignity taken and debased daily, with little to no justice or recompense, that we (as white Americans) think so little of and have the privilege we took (and take?) for granted. This is a reality that makes me ashamed to think that I was, without even a modicum of accuracy, a slave. Kid’s feel like things are out of their control, and often they are to a certain degree right, but the motivation of parental requests are usually couched in love, whereas, the slave, the one bought as property, was seated in the owner’s right to treat their “property” in any manner they chose. This is a power that one person should never have over another.

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  • Saturday Night Cinema – Hope Gap

    February 6, 2021
    Literary Journey

    Movie: Hope Gap

    Director: William Nicholson

    Year: 2019

    I was looking for some depth in tonight’s movie, and came across Hope Gap, starring Annette Bening, and it didn’t disappoint. If you are looking for a movie that makes you look inside and reconcile some buried past, this movie is full of deep-thinking moments. If you are looking for an escape, a laugh, or the booms of action, look elsewhere.

    The opening is melancholic and sets the tone for the rest of the films content. It’s scenic seaside vistas and lilting piano set a somber tone that is peaceful and calming.

    The story centers on a husband who leaves his shrewish wife, and sets opens wounds both new and old. Grace and Edward have been married 29 years, so there is a lot of history, but none of which we learn. This film stays in the present, with the exception of some memories their son, Jamie, has about when he was a child. Edward is a benign high school teacher who endures the ball-busting of Grace, till he doesn’t. Grace has a poet’s soul so her actions spring forth from the wells of her mind. I wanted to feel sorry for her, but mostly just found her to be irritating. Based on director William Nicolson’s experience, I felt sorry for him, but there is catharsis, and these things are what make the movie worth seeing. Hope Gap is a place you can walk to, or it’s a place your heart can find itself.

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  • Fact or Fiction Friday – One Moment and Everything Changes

    February 5, 2021
    Literary Journey

    Once the sun comes up it will be a new day. This one has certainly been a challenge, but now all she wants is to go for a swim and have a good night’s sleep.

    She pours into her black speedo, ties her hair up and covers it with a floral swim cap, which she hates but must do otherwise her bleached blond hair turns green. And isn’t it enough to have bleached blond hair – god, what a cliché.

    After getting suited up, she walks out onto her patio and takes in the night air. God, how she loves the smell of the balmy, tropical air mingled with chlorine, and just a tinge of salt. The night is black, with a chandelier of stars hanging overhead, and as she heads to the pool she feels as if she is being embraced by the heavens.

    At the waters edge, she looks to the steps, but uncharacteristically dives right in.

    The water is freezing.

    The cold, crisp day has dropped the temperature to what, she doesn’t know. What she knows is that there is a massive pain in her head. She thinks about this morning when she woke up, feeling on top the world, and how, only minutes into her day, the phone rang and she heard the news about her husband, dead in his car after plunging off the cliff into the Pacific. How much she had loved him and how much there was still left to take care of.

    But this would not be done by her, because as she surfaced, she had already lost consciousness. The glitch in her brain, triggered by trauma and the shock of a freezing cold plunge, stole her breath and her days. She lay silent in her black suit and bleach blond locks enclosed in their tombs, already embraced by heaven.

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  • Lyrical Thoughts Thursday – Missing the Artist

    February 4, 2021
    Literary Journey

    She sits down in front of her easel.

    Surrounded by colors.

    Red,

    yellow,

    cerulean blue.

    There are paintbrushes,

    Strewn about.

    Sable,

    nylon,

    synthetic.

    Behind her, a life’s work

    Of paintings gone by.

    Old women,

    her nephew,

    the ocean.

    Crevices she has explored,

    Creases she’s captured.

    Waves

    Coming in,

    Going out.

    She sits, a span of white her view

    Taut and stretched, patient

     Waiting,

    Expectant,

    Anticipating.

    The delicate touch of her hand.

    With brushes that tickle.

    Smooth,

    Cool,

    Warm.

    Remembering days when,

    Her vivid stories were told.

    A place,

    A life,

    A home.

    Her hands in her lap, she sits.

    A tear in her eye.

    No color,

    No images,

    To give.

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  • Freewheelin’ Wednesday – Static Anticipation

    February 3, 2021
    Literary Journey

    The clock ticks – tick, tock – tick, tock.

    Well, not really as it’s a digital clock, (does anyone really hear a ticking clock anymore?)

    but in my head, it’s clear,

    TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK!

    The digital display seems stuck. I just can’t wait to see what’s gonna happen next.

    Just five minutes.

    To fill the time, I decide to make some tea.

    Two minutes later,

    Tea’s ready, (not the English perfect tea at just the right temperature with the dainty sandwiches and finger cakes, but the microwave variety, a zapped and seeped concoction with some delicious chemicalstein creamer, yum yum),

    and I am just about to explode.

    I don’t know if I can wait.

    Just 3 minutes.

    I set in front of the dark set, imagining the scenes and the sounds. I drift into a blissful hum to its song. Hmm hmmm hmmm

    I could start it now.

    Oh, I know I could, but then it wouldn’t be the same, (they say there’s a condition that describes this inability to change routine), but I just like it this way.

    Just one more minute.

    Tick, tock, tick, tock, and…

    Oh no, the ipad babbles it burbles to indicate a Facebook call coming in.

    Thirty seconds!

    Oh crimmony… it’s my son, I love talking to him but… (should I ignore it, should I change my plans),

    It’s time to start in

    Fifteen seconds…

    Tick, tock, tick, tock…

    Ok…

    I open the chat and yell,

    I’LLCALLYOUBACKINANHOUR!

    Poldark’s ON!!!

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